Sunday, December 30, 2012

For Love or Money?

Today is another lazy day.

This whole week has been all about pondering what comes next. WHAT COMES NEXT?

I have been doing reflexology. This body work makes me very happy. It is work that will bring a LITTLE money, but fulfill my inner knowing that I am a healer. It is deliverance of love and healing, and pleases me.

I'm studying holistic massage. More body work. More making bodies feel good.

I've been thinking about planning ahead to be able to afford the next course in the Sustainable Urban Agriculture certificate I have been working towards. Gardening makes me happy. Eating from the garden makes me happy. Seeds came last week. So happy.

Yesterday I pulled out all the dolls and crafts that are already made, and I made some Tee shirts (ironed on some 70's Raggedy Ann and Andy's onto good thrifted Tee's) and am getting ready to do the market again. This brings me a LITTLE money, but fulfills my inner drive to be creative and artistic. I LOVE making dolls and embroidery and all the things. I completely lose myself in it. The little money that comes from it is a bonus.

I still do the tarot readings. It makes me happy to have tapped into this inner place of knowing, and give it as guidance to others, or soul healing to others. Life answers and understanding. This thing is SO very much a part of me now - my loud intuition, my ability to communicate with people who have passed, this crazy THING that comes through me. When I am doing this, I am authentically expressing something about myself. It brings a little money, too. I charge less than half of what others are asking for this, because I love doing it. It is a part of me.

I am occasionally at the thrift store. I love being there. I get the best stuff. This brings me a little money.

This leaves me HERE. In a place where I REALLY just want to do what I LOVE doing. But also have to earn more money to pay the bills I have to pay - and get my youngests teeth done.

I'm conflicted.

I find myself looking at ANOTHER work from home company. And I think "The money I would spend to get started on this would get a start on getting my kids teeth fixed." I think "I think I am tired of MLM's." I think "I know they work, but do I really want to invest so much of myself in another?" I like the products in this company -certified organic, a large line of products. The prices they sell at are more than I would normally pay - and although I would eventually get my items for free, this would mean putting a lot of work into selling the products to others. Who would have to decide if the prices would suit them as a customer, or if they wanted to get in and promote for themselves in order to get it for free. And the cycle continues.

I am talented. I am creative. I am inspired. I need to do something with all the things that I've learned so far, the person I've become so far...

 I recently cancelled my MLM blog, stopped promoting really everything (although I am still a member with a company.) and am really really trying to listen to the voices... to lead me to do what I am meant to do, and passionate about. But I find myself, in the search for MONEY, looking at these things again. Reading the promotions and emails that still come to me because of all the stuff I WAS doing, so very intensely.

So, I'm sitting here today, faced with this ... dividing line between love and money. I'm really conflicted.

My mother mentioned to me yesterday that a certain factory was hiring. And I died a little inside. As much as I would really like the money, I know that I am NOT built for that kind of work. It makes me physically ill and angry.

I do not like the pursuit of money. But we need it right now.

I think I need to drag myself away from the computer, and do something in real life. Maybe that will help put it all in place. Three months + is a long time for me to be up in the air. I'm trying to embrace the "I don't know where in the world I"m going" thing...


Wednesday, December 26, 2012


Shift Shift Shift.

Tilt-A-Whirl, with a fantastic 80's Soundtrack. Every now and again it slows JUST ENOUGH to allow someone else to jump on with me, but it never stops.

I'm so DIZZY.

I feel completely changed, but not yet settled into what ever the heck it is I'm changing into. Trying to flow with it, but every now and again I feel like I"m supposed to be DOING something to help shift into what I will be... and the the Invisible Carni In the SKY puts THIS SONG on, and I lose my focus and am whirling some more.

Seriously. I can't even stop long enough to write any of this most fantastic fiction fodder down. Tilt!

This isn't a matter of not knowing what I want. This is about trying to figure out how to have it all.

And still be me. And still be Love. And Still honour my path, and the path of those who are spinning with me.

I close my eyes instead of trying to focus on anything on this ride, and end up in bed.


Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Spending RANT.

A bit of a rant.

I was out the day before yesterday (December 22nd) with my daughters. We went to the dollarstore, and I said to them each. "You pick one thing for each other. Don't let the other sister see it. You pick one thing for your brother. You pick one thing for me and one thing for your step dad."  (who no longer lives with us, but is still very much involved with them, and I love that we are all very comfortable and happy to have them spend time and love each other. This is only important, because I need it to be clear that I am paying all my own bills. There is no child support here from my childrens fathers, and I'm not sharing house bills with a partner.)

This is the first Yule/Christmas I've done this 'go buy some small prezzies' with them. I figured, they were old enough to get it. And, they've figured out the Santa thing, so I hadn't yet purchased things for the stockings. I figured I would pretty much let them buy some little things for each others stockings, and I could get a few things for them at the same time. If we saw each other in the aisles, we could giggle and not look.

I gave them each a $20 bill, because that was all I had in my wallet, so they could secretly pay for their own things.  I figured I was in this for about $10 for this little bit of fun, from each of them. And possibly another $8ish from myself.

We each separately went our ways with a handbasket to poke around.

In the end, one came back with $2.60ish in change. One came back with $3.50ish. They completely blew the budget. Because they had to get a FEW things for each other, and then in addition to the list, they got something here and there for a few people who were not on the list of my instruction.

In the store, I had that FEELING that I have been intentionally trying to ELIMINATE in cutting out this gifting thing. That HEAVY, broke sadness that this whole spend spend spending season creates. I almost started crying in front of my children, in the fucking dollarstore. For the want of the extra $23ish they spent. My own bill for the few things I got them was $12. So, for the want of $35, I came very close to creating a feeling of BAH HUMBUG for my little family. I'm so glad I caught myself before all the words came out. "We can't afford" and blame and spreading the feeling of BAD BAD BAD babies.

I get us by. I have been earning just enough to pay for what is necessary. And I know my words create a reality. Life IS Good, and I AM Love, and we DO have abundance. Enough to pay the bills and eat well. I am extremely thankful for that.

What we DON'T have is a whole lot extra for one big extravagant month of spending in the name of Jesus or Walmart.

So, how I get through this is to either make my hand what I will gift to my kids, or purchase a little thing here or there. I have been working at a thrift store since April, and that has helped. I've been stashing little things here and there, that have struck me as "yes, the girls will like this." All the little things still managed to all fit into one large reusable shopping bag. Minus two boxes.

It has been very very important to me to slowly reduce this month of unnecessary spending. I no longer purchase gifts for anyone else outside of my children. My family knows this. I made some biscotti cookies this year for my families to share during our visits together.

I refuse to feel bad for not purchasing gifts for everyone  - I am a single person doing my best to be in all the places I am needed - here with kids, and finding work to pay the bills that I have - Expressing LOVE should not involve a price tag. It involves time and attention given and spent. It involves expressing appreciation and caring.

We have been SO conditioned to this spending at Christmas thing.

And, I have done very well, within my emotions, to keep it all in place in terms of not spending cash I don't have. I feel good and right about it. But, this moment in the Dollarstore caught me by surprise. I felt like a LESSER, NOT good person, because all I could think about was I needed that money to make the car insurance. (A car I'd rather not have, but being only 1.5 years into the payments for it, I'd never get back by selling it the amount I owe on it... so I'm stuck with it.)

I took a breath and smiled for my kids in the Dollarstore instead. With a forced giggle I said, "You guys totally blew the budget." As I slipped the coins left back into my wallet. They then proceeded to let me know they had to get each other THREE things, and something for an Aunt and Uncle and their year old cousin, and something for a grandparent.. and for one of the cats. "That was not the instruction I gave you." I said, but left it alone... I had no wise and thoughtful words to say at that moment, and sometimes It's best to say nothing. I would NOT cry in the Dollarstore.

BUT this made me think about all the people out there who DO feel pressured to buy for everyone... and go around ALL holiday season with the heavy feeling that I had for about 2 minutes. A feeling of being NOT GOOD ENOUGH, because they feel they have NOT ENOUGH MONEY to be happy or make their loved ones happy. How does this affect your holiday??

It blocks JOY and LOVE and ABUNDANCE and HAPPINESS. It shuts you out from the world, makes you unable to feel any love delivered or shared with you. How does this SERVE anyone? How does this feeling that comes this time of year encourage time spent be a joyous and sharing occasion?

I'm past my own feelings of inadequacy that rolled up into my mouth tasting of stomach bile... It's been replaced with the need to almost CRUSADE against this spending thing we have all been conditioned to do.

I'm breaking the cycle. Have been for years. Now that the big Santa Reveal has happened, it will be so much easier.

The day must begin.
You were warned this would be a rant.

I may do some revisions at some point, but my day must begin.


P.S. I'm not looking for pity, or charity in this post. I think what I'd like most is to wake some realization in others. That is all. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Most Peculiar, Mama.

I could be showering right now, before work. But I'm not. Because, I really don't have the time. Or desire to get cold and wet. So, there will be extra lotion applied before I go to work. Yeah, take THAT work. You're getting me sleepy-smelly.

The dreams haven't been revealing any great answers. Although they've been entertaining. This morning I set the alarm for 6:45. It goes off to radio, which usually wakes me. This morning I floated around in dreamy radio space until 9am. Whoops. I had that moment where I thought "I will just sleep, I don't need to go to work. I'm NOT going." This was completely reasonable in my head, warm in bed.

This thought is becoming more and more prevalent. I have really lost the desire to ... proceed. To do anything that I DON'T want to do. Maybe I AM embracing my inner spoiled child.

It feels gloriously dangerous.

If I start referring to the girls as Thelma and Louise, try not to be surprised by anything that happens after that.


Each moment is honest within itself. Each  moment I live is exactly what it is supposed to be. What a strange strange energy.


Thursday, December 13, 2012


Life has been very much "in THIS moment" the last 3 months. Just THIS one. Giving up desire, giving up drive, letting go of everything but IN THIS MOMENT. I really believe everything happens for a reason... even though there are things that I'm still wondering "why".

However, I have felt that I am in exactly the right place, interacting with the exact right people, and living in the exact right way.

I'm not getting ahead. I've come close to falling behind. But I'm making no plans, anywhere, about anything.

Today, my youngest said to me:
"Instead of saving my Christmas money for an ipod, I'm going to save money to get my retainer."

I died a little. And felt like a bad person for letting go of the future, and money. Because I feel like I"ve forgotten about her teeth.

Her mouth doesn't just need a retainer. Her mouth needs teeth removed, teeth twisted around, pushed AND pulled back into place... and then when the teeth start coming back in that we've removed to make room for what's already there, sideways and crooked, we start all over again. This is not a $400 retainer we are talking about here. And me, with no coverage, will pay for it all out of pocket. For a number of years.

This morning, I realised that I will have to start hustling again - either paintings or dolls or sewing or tarot... or something online that will most likely involve recruiting or selling... or reflexology, and possibly massage. (yes, this is body work massage, not RMT massage.). Hustling doesn't feel like heart work. Having to hustle for the money doesn't feel like heart work. The idea of having to get out there and SELL SELL SELL makes me feel sick. But heart work brings it slowly, and her mouth needs more than what comes in and just gets us by.

This is where my sleepy brain is. I hope my dreams bring answers.

Sunday, November 25, 2012


Do you know how freeing it is to throw it all away? Ha!

This new shift in the mind has changed me already. Worries - GONE. Stress - GONE.

I am Love. That is all.

No more thinking about futures or houses or retirement or what ifs or what-will-be. Screw it all. I'm letting everything go as it will right now.

All I am now is dreams and laughter and dancing and a body in a hot hot bath. Everything happens just as it should. I'm not looking forward or rushing anything or asking for anything out of life. I've got all I'll have already. That's enough.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Throwing in the Towel.

November 15th.

I'm giving up.
Ten years is a very very long time to wish and work so hard for something, and never come even close.
Home ownership is not for me.
I really would like a house. Mainly so my kids will have the space they need. So I would have a space to create, work, have friends over. But I just can't do it.
I've never come even close to what's required for the downpayment. I can't work the hours or earn enough to make the monthly payments that would be required. Physically or mentally. I guess I just don't have it in me.

The last 4 weeks have been an eye opener. This pace is not what I want for my life. I'm anxious and completely stressed. I'm not handling it well.

I still have two very huge monthly payments to make. One is the car. If I give up the car, it's 50 hours a month that I get back, either in my pocket or in my life. That's 10 shifts out of the 16 that I work a month at my day job,  that can go toward the other monthly payment, that I HAVE to pay, as it's a line of credit. No getting rid of that one.

The other job is on hold for 3 months. Can't write my exam till January, and can't do the practical exam till after that.

What am I working so hard for? I've been working so hard to pay off the debt, and because I want a house. UNwanting a house takes a large burden off of me.

I really didn't want to be here forever. It keeps getting smaller and smaller as the kids get bigger and bigger, and one more year slips by. But, there seems to be no other path for me. So, I should just embrace this as where we are, and move on from it.

There's just no joy in the thought anymore. There's no hope for it. No anticipation or excitement.

So, a different path, I guess, from here on in. I don't care where I land, just as long as I can find some calm and centred again. This pace is not for me.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012


Some exciting news on the art front! I'll be part of a small biz that is opening downtown - we're hoping to get rushed in to be set up before Christmas! Time to dig out the sewing machine, and take inventory of what dolls are already made.

Exciting news on the reflexology front! I have about 20ish feet left to finish, and then I can take my exam. I have a contract in hand from a business downtown, where I"ll be an independent contractor. So awesome. I'm very very excited about that.

Life is twisting and turning in unexpected ways. Although I'm sure the Universe knows EXACTLY what it's doing. Life is Good. Life is Good. I'm running with it, giddily along the autumn trail. Breathe!


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

4 weeks. Burnt Out.

It has been a month, counting the weeks.

I'm still chewing on all of it.

I think I may have reached maximum capacity. Got a weird throat thing yesterday, although I've eaten two big cans of soup this eve, laced with garlic, and that seems to have finally made it subside.

I also think I have been hired on as a part time reflexologist at a local place. I don't think I can say much more about that, until it's all firmed up and I have signed the contracts. I'm really excited though. I can keep my current part time job, and be able to work the reflexology appointments around my current shop-girl hours.

I have to do a recount to see where I'm at for feet, but I think I have 40 pairs to go.

Waiting on a girlfriend to arrive right now, with her feet!!


Sunday, October 21, 2012


Just Breathing.
And Watching.
And Waiting.

It's not my job to make any decisions... yet.

Had the conversation with the Pixies... which now will be referred to as something stronger. (Valkyries was suggested, but... it doesn't slip off my tongue yet.) That conversation where they say "You're Santa, aren't you?" Which lifts a lovely burden - Now we can get down to proper Pagan business at Winter Solstice. Heh.

Time to hustle.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

For Me.

Wondering when the tilt-a-whirl will stop. When the carnival will pack up the rides and games, and move on to another life. Still feeling dizzy. This rare moment of unscheduled quiet, before they arrive home from school, is unsettling to my shaken and stirred body.

It's been interesting to try to live in the moment, and plan for the future at the same time. Now is tangible, touchable torture. The future has become foggy. There are mysteries and adventure and danger and damp tucked into foggy forests. It's beautiful and fucking frightening. I snug my children closer to me walking into it. They show no fear. Maybe it's harder at 38 to face this, then it is at 10 and 11.

The littles creep into my bed in the mornings now. Curl their bodies on either side of mine, under the four layers of comforters I breathe into at night to warm my cold fingers and toes. Their morning bodies make it so warm in the morning, that I don't want to crawl out. I am enjoying this new morning ritual. It's the only moment of the day I feel connected and relaxed.

My datebook is an abstract doodle. Flourescent  scribbles, and pen marks - names and shifts and bills to force me to keep all of it in order, hope that it keeps me in line.

The carni workers keep pushing me onto the rides that make me nauseos. I want off I want off I want to lay down and sleep. But there's more to come. The gut feeling that has jammed itself up into my ribcage keeps warning me. It's not over yet. Hang on. Keep your eyes open. It's much worse if you close 'em.

I want to be bigger than myself in this.
I keep shoving the anger down.
I keep shoving the sorrow away.
There's so much to think about.
And I have no desire to write speeches.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

No Snappy Comeback.

I figure nothing I say will please anyone else - As careful as I've become about my writing in order not to offend, I don't really write this kind of stuff for anyone else anyway.

There are words that ring in my ears. Angry and loud and mean. They sneak up on me to slap me across my lazy face. It's been a long time since I've defined myself by anyone elses standards of me. I'm still trying to place how I feel about the words used at me, about me. Normally, I would just return them to their source, with wishes for healing and not let them absorb. This is different I guess. They are sticking a bit.

This has been a very busy week. Next week will be easier. My work schedule has been changed to suit our new needs, although I've got reflexology case studies to squeeze in. I'm working around my teenagers also very busy schedule.

He's a good kid. He works hard. And he is extremely accomodating with what I'm asking of him. This boy has never sworn at me, we've never had a fight, he lets me know where he is. He gets good marks at school, he doesn't do drugs. (although he may have the occasional beer, he has never ever come home drunk or even with beer on his breath.)  The last time this kid gave me a problem, he was about 4 years old. I like him. I like him a LOT. I appreciate what he is, and how he is being so open and helpful. He is very easy to be around and live with.

The voices/universe were sending me warnings. They just didn't say where it would come from. I knew to expect something painful, but didn't know from what direction. I had been doing some automatic writing (or maybe semi-automatic. ha!) Long story short, I was told to expect something big, and that it would be painful, but I would get through "like I always do." I tried to be open and not assume where it would come from, but I really thought the source would be a completely different direction. I'm in a mild functioning shock right now I think.

At the same time, I feel a lot less emotional than I figured I should. There's no anger. There's no sadness. I think all I'm feeling is resignation. 


I guess I had better carry on with the laundry. Get the bathroom cleaned up. Figure out lunch. Get my butt in gear for work.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Let Go and Let Goddess.

So. I talked to a mortgage broker. Long story short, it looks like it'll be two more years in this house. And so, I have started making some changes. This house that I have been in for nearly 9 years (In October.), and have never felt permanent or settled in.

Namely, giving up the master bedroom to the pixies, in an effort to carve out some space that will allow them to have at least a small space that is for each of them only. I've moved a TONNE of stuff this morning , and I am having a cheese and cracker break until my amazing friend Rhonda comes over to help me move the bunk beds. Because although I've moved every thing else on my own (the mattresses, dressers, book shelves, clothes clothes clothes... why do we have so many articles of clothing???) I cannot physically remove the top bunk from the bottom on my own.

I had wanted to put each bed separately in the master bedroom, but it is also just not big enough for that. So, in shuffling things around this morning, I think I have figured out how to divide the room, but leave them in their bunks.

I really thought I would have a tonne of things to move... but really, my biggest bedroom hoarding vice is .. (wait for it....I know you want it to be something kinky.)

...Clothing. I have lazy clothes and jammy clothes, and enough socks and undies to fill two drawers. (dresser drawers, that is. My drawers aren't nearly big enough to fill with all that I have. ha!) I have summer dresses and fall dresses and hangers filled with skirts and dress pants. Then there's the jeans. There's the big-girl jeans, just incase I need them in winter. There's the REALLY Little-Lori jeans... you know, for the one day of the month that I fit into THEM. There are gardening jeans and dressy jeans. And Shirts. Dear Goddess, blouses and dress tops and T shirts and flowy gypsy shirts. Work clothes. Play clothes. Casual clothes.

And ofcourse, there's all the ridiculous vintage clothing that I feel I must keep because even though I may only wear one item at Hallowe'en, I LOVE them.

Oh, and for some reason I feel the need to hoard linens. All the great 70's stuff that is all made for a double bed (I have a queen.) that SOMEDAY I'm going to make SOMETHING out of.

I must go through ALL of this stuff. And make some decisions.

Because I'm relocating to the pixies old room. Which is 8' x 12'.

This all will work out. All of it. I have faith. I have asked that the Universe be sure that I am on my RIGHT path, that I am on target and on time. Two years seems a long time to wait to get the pixies into their own space, a long time to get me into a home where I can paint and feel permanent. But if that's the time for the target, then so be it.

I have let go, and am letting God. And Goddess. She's loud and generally has more to say about these things with me. ;)


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

An Extra Pair of Hands.

Today is one of my rare days off, that I have felt like I have enough energy to DO something. I've cleaned out corners, and for the last few hours have been touching ALL THE THINGS to sort through and appease my undiagnosed but very obvious mania when it comes to STUFF. And no one can touch it for me - I have to physically touch all the things with my own hands.

It feels very very good to get through it.

The last few moons I've been making it clear that my little family is READY for a home. I had specified it should be one that was OURS. The voices whispered at me about 3 days ago "Uh, Lori, you've GOT a house. Now, make it a home."

Ooooh. Right. (We rent. But technically it is a house. I'm learning that each and every time, I forget to specify some itty bitty detail. Like "We are BUYING the house." )

So, today I have made a start.

I missed the entire summer. I kid you not. There was that one day where I took the pixies to Elmvale for all the festivities available there, on a budget. And the day Mel took the pixies and I blueberry picking. And, that pretty much was it. My garden is laid to waste. No food has been consumed or preserved from it. I'm not sure if I'll be able to save the few beans that made a go of it without my aid, and I'm pretty sure the few tomatoes are gone to mush on the vine.

I'm extremely disappointed. I'm disapointed that I feel as if I've been so absent this summer, in the name of the dollar. What has happened to me? The sad thing is that the amount I'm making, is just a little over what I make when I'm doing my own thing full time. (Tarot and art and selling stuff like a gypsy.) What sacrifice this feels it has been.

But, it's coming around. I've felt a HUGE shift in the last few weeks inside myself - less zombie, more restless. I've been getting lots of big messages and little whispering hints that I need to get ready for it. So, I am. And part of that is cleaning out my house, physically and with the buring of the sage, to make room for the new things coming. Gotta make room.

Today, it's the tidy tidy. My next day off will be for trading rooms with the pixies. I currently have the master, and they share a small cubby of a room.  They need a bigger space, and I have to somehow create some privacy for them - most likely with a curtain hung down the centre of the room. (My next day off, I believe is ...a week from now, between the tarot bookings, my J.O.B. and the live portion of my reflexology course.)

It's going to be a chore to pack up both of our rooms to trade - there's not really a "third" space to shift stuff from the first room into, while moving the second room over. But, I'll work it out. I'll most likely have to enlist an extra pair of hands. Bunk beds on one's own is most likely an accident waiting to happen. 

Blaa blaa blaa. Sometimes writing here just helps me organize it all in my head.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I love the Bookses.

So, in light of all the new books that have come to me, I decided to clean and reorganize my giant bookshelves. I had about 50 or so books up beside my bed, about 20 just floating around the house... and I generally like my books in some sort of order, so that when I want to reference them, they are easy to find...

That being said, I have a lot more 'reference' type books than fiction. Although there are a few shelves of beloved fiction that I will never give up. I moved all the stuff, made some of the pixies books more accessable to them (on a lower shelf) and put some other stuff in their reach that I wouldn't mind them looking at. It's funny that most of the stuff out of their reach is fiction - Stephen King, some classic stuff that I don't think they are ready to process yet..

Once I had them all together, I also noticed I seem to have a lot more books on Writing then I thought. A lot more on writing then on business....

 Made some space for my brass cauldron, my two new abalone shells, and all the feathers, sage, tobacco, oils, and other witchy goodies I have had floating around here. Those are all up tall on the shelves too.
Sooo.... This satisfies me.

I love the bookses.


Tuesday, August 28, 2012

This Weeks Book Score!

So... As much as I was not going to buy ALL THE THINGS at the Thrift Store ... some PRETTY AWESOME books came in.. and, I mean, they're BOOKS. There's nuthin' evil or bad about books, right? Books are teachers and they are friends and they are YUMMY YUMMY GOODNESS. So, these are MOST of the books that I got this week.

Small Quilt Crafts and Scrap Fabric Crafts. 
Because even though I can't get to any of my crafting projects or materials, I
still figure someday I WILL get there.

The Britannica Guide to Climage Change: An unbiased guide to the key issue of our age. (This title made me laugh, but I decided I would try to be unbiased of their unbiased interpretation and presentation of the topic.)
An Inconvenient Truth. 
I have never read it, but I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy reading both of these titles together, to see both of their unbiased viewpoints. (Goddess, so many jokes in here...)

National Geographic "Essential Visual History of World Mythology" This one is going beside the bed, poste haste. It's mostly pictures.
The History of The Kings of Britain - Geoffrey of Monmouth.
Now, I've read some stuff by Geoffrey of Monmouth (if indeed, dear Geof wrote any of these, but that's another story for later...) And the reading is sandpaper-cat-tongue dry. No pictures at all.  However, there's something perverse in me that just laps up the challenge. (See what I did there? See?)

People of the Earth - An Introduction to World Prehistory. I believe this is an actual highschool text book. My brain WANTED it. PLEASE LORI, GET IT FOR ME??

The Millennium Book of Prophecy. There was a little voice in me that begged for this one, too.

Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche. Just because I feel I should. 

Now THIS little number, I am VERY excited about. It might have been D.T. Howard, but it also could have been Robin Pittman, but it also could have been Chiron Mullins... one of these men, when they were 17 or so, told me they were reading this, and it sounded INCREDIBLY interesting. When I touched this book, I let out one of those little excited "eep!" noises in the store. Out loud. And could explain to no one why I was so excited. 
The story: man goes back in time to meet Jesus, but because he goes back, He screws everything up... Jesus is now Simple (as in, from an Amazon review, a "drooling, salivating imbecile." I can't believe that after 20 years, this has fallen into my hands. Yay, Science Fiction.

From Instruction to Delight: An Anthology of Children's Literatuire to 1850 and Childrens Writers' and Artists' Yearbook 2007. Because I write and draw and stuff...

The Practice of Writing. Again, I write. I also read a lot about writing.

This... because it made me giggle. And I hoped there'd be some new light bulb moment stuck in the pages, that would be worth the .50 cents I paid for the book.

Ok... all this writing about books makes me want to read all the books! There are no less than 40 books beside my bed right now... I just loves da books!


Sunday, August 5, 2012

Distance Education has me Twitchy.

I get antsy. I know this about myself. I embrace it, I run with it, I laugh and dance with it... and then on to the new thing.

Again, it's down to wondering "What do I do with my life?" I've got 25 more years to 'work'... and then I end up on distance education sites...

I love the IDEA of being an administrative assistant... but not the day to day work of it. Mostly, I think I'd like to wear big hair, and look fabulous, and go to lunch.

I love the IDEA of being an Early Childhood Educator... but seriously, I swear too much.

I love the IDEA of being a librarian... but I already have a pile of adorable friends who do that, and I don't think I want them thinking I'm copying them... and I already sort of live vicariously through them... and again, I just want to wear a tight bun and red lipstick and be a hot librarian in a mini skirt. (although, I do ADORE books. I think my motivation is skewed.)

I love the IDEA of taking a writing course... but why do I need to prove to anyone that I can write? I already know I can write. It's about having the brain space to finish something - focus on it completely, without having to worry about where the money is coming from for all the bills.

I love learning, I think. It's the implementation that's difficult, I suppose.

And then I'm back to, ... so, what WILL I do with the rest of the time I have? I can't be a hippy/gypsy forever, can I? I mean, at some point it's just not going to be CUTE anymore. It's going to be impractical... I'll have to feed myself and clothe myself and ... live somewhere with no retirement fund.

This is where my brain is. Living in the moment is one thing, but then I have days like today.

Ah well.

There are things to do...


Saturday, August 4, 2012

Shuffling Pink Basement, Looking for Craft Room.

I started cleaning the basement... again. In an attempt to carve a creative sewing/gluing/arting space. Corey commented after I had been down there some time, and came up to make whiny defeatest faces... that it must be something like this:
Move a little thing here, shuffle another thing there, move something else in it's place, slide that table over here, now get all the things you just moved and put them in another place... none of which will be it's permanent home.

So, THIS corner here is where I moved what will hopefully be a place to craft. Bins full of finished and unfinished, and material... stuffs... tables and shelves.

 Here is a different view of it. A little tiny walkway.

THIS is where I shuffled all of this stuff FROM. This also gives you a fantastic view of what my WALLS look like. They stuffed 'em and left. (I'm in a rental where I'm not allowed to make any changes myself. So, I get to try and live with puffy pink walls. Nothing can sit flush against the wall.)

THIS is a single blank spot that will most likely get filled as I deal with all of the rest of the art stuff and TOY stuff in this basement. (hard concrete floor. The paint has come up with floods and mopping over the years.

Wall of Barbie. There are bins and bins of dolls, clothes, and all the things she comes with. Also, Polly Pockets, baby stuff, kitchen play, puppets, dress up and don't forget the STUFFIES.
I'm tired. I want to paint and feel light and free. This basement is going to have to bend to my will and become something light and airy.. somehow... without a window...

I think I was down there for 2 or 2.5 hours. I lost track. I just can't do it anymore today.
I'm going to buy a lotto ticket, and with any luck I'll win, then I can buy a big house with a big big airy room for me to mess up with crafts. One I can paint, and have open windows, and it will be mine! And Barbies will have their own dang room, too.



Friday, July 20, 2012

Mr. God, This is Lori.

While digging through a shopping cart full of books today at work, this one popped out... and I made a rather loud noise of happiness - something you might expect more from a goose-like creature than a shop-girl type creature.

I read this book when I was 5. (yes, you read that correctly. 180 pages written for adults. Have I not bragged enough about my childhood super-genius IQ?) And it had an incredible impact on me. I would sneak it off the metal shelf (with the bottom painted or printed with a wood print.) and read it - then slide it back into it's spot, remembering the page I was last on, for next time. It took me about a week to read through.

 At one point my mom came into the livingroom and 'caught' me reading it. I thought for sure I'd be in trouble, as it was just a LITTLE higher on the shelves, which always implied that I shouldn't look in it. My reasoning was, it's ABOUT a 4 year old girl, so it should be ok. She simply asked me "Are you reading that?" I'm not sure how I responded, but I do recall that Mom probably didn't believe I was, and therefore I was in the clear.

Anyway, I LOVED this book. (Although I DO recall being a little concerned that a grown man finds a 4 year old and DOESN'T bother to try and find her parents before bringing her home to raise... ) When my mom and dad split, I only remember visiting my dad at the old house once - and finding the book was gone.

The memory faded a bit, and though I remembered the picture and the cover of the book, I couldn't remember the title  - Dear God? Oh God? It's Anna? I am Anna?

I'm 38 now. And on and off through the years, I've asked that this book come across my hands, if it's meant to be so. I'm just elated to have it.

I wonder if it will take me longer than a week to get through this time. You know, having a few more things to do in life, beyond watching Sesame Street, waiting for lunch, and napping.

I had to share. I'm so excited.


Wednesday, July 11, 2012


One day at a time. One calculated, agenda driven day.
I'm ok with that right now.

Mornings: Hit snooze. Maybe twice. Roll out. 20 minutes of yoga on the bedroom floor. Make my ViSalus shake, brew tea, find food for pixies. Hit Facebook. Make my lunch for work. Remember to brush teeth.

Afternoons: Usually at work. 9:30 to 5. Be silly, have fun, get work done, eat all the snacks, try not to watch the clock.

Evenings: He makes the dinner. I sit online for half an hour and gap out. Pixies dance around me. Eat the dinner, and say thank you. Crafty with pixies. (or movie with pixies. or, pixies please go play somewhere else because you are hopped up on goofballs and your energy is enormous.) Pixies to bed, remember to brush teeth. Get on tarot line. Do readings. Stretch legs, feed rabbits that will find a different belly to sit in. More readings. Random surfing. 1am? oh, bed time.

Repeat. Throw a shower in there every now and again.

Afternoons not at work? Laundry. Long Bath. distractions with pixies, most likely involving music. Weed garden, water garden, library.

I had a point when I started this blog. But it's nearly midnight. I have lost focus.

Ah well. It entertained me for a few minutes. Scheduled that in: Entertainment.

Oh yes. Now I remember.
Things to look forward to! Things to plan. Planning. I haven't done it in a while, or looked forward to anything in a bit... so..

*Applied for another bursary for the University Certificate I'm working towards. (Sustainable Urban Agriculture.) so that I can take the next course in fall. Gives me hope. Makes me feel hopeful.

*Doing readings again has fuelled me. I hadn't done any in months. Sometimes when that happens I feel like I've lost it... or lost something important. Last few days have been all fueled fire.

*After a home study self course thing... I was looking for my Second Act... what is it that I really love doing and want to do NOW?? After doing the whole thing, I realized I WAS doing exactly what I wanted to be doing. Crafty, readings, Gypsy behavior at market selling the crafty things and doing readings.. and doing READINGS! Parties, phone, and STILL in some LITTLE PLACE that will be my own. I was feeling so lost, looking for what ever it is that I felt I was supposed to be moving towards, in letting go of my studio... So weird.

*Working on earning the extra money that pixie is going to require for all that mouth. Working on the extra I'll need for the Big Tall Boys Mouth. (wisdom teeth. They're coming out soon. I'll need $325 for the knock 'em out drugs.) Working. A lot. I hope I fit some summer in here somewhere.

*Day 4, no meat. So far, so good.

*Day 4, Yoga every morning. Also bought some dumbells for my arms. ($1.99 at the thrift shop.) Looking for a routine for the rest of me, that I can do at home. I'll have to put diagrams on the wall, or find a youtube channel to follow along with.

*Getting back into the crafty, thanks to the pixies. For the first time ever, they have shown interest and are sitting for a few hours and working along with me. Fab.

Ok... again... lost my train of thought. Getting late. IM has been quiet. Might 'clock out' a little earlier than 1am.


Monday, July 9, 2012

Marshmallows in Coffee???

My mind has been blown this morning. (Sometimes it doesn't take much. ehehe.)

My online friend Steve P. posted a pic this morning - he put marshmallows in his coffee. MARSHMALLOWS IN HIS COFFEE?? This is a thing? Why did I not know about this thing?

So, I had to try it too:

 I mean. For real.
As if coffee wasn't fabulous enough.
I don't drink it too often these days, and when I do it's a smaller cup (this Norman Rockwell cup holds a measured cup of liquid.)

Oh la la.

Pretty fantastic, oui?


 (Good Morning Toaster! Good Morning Breadmaker! Good Morning Microwave!)

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Bucket List - Updated.

Drove by the old studio tonight, and it has been rented out. There was a moment of deep regret. And then a moment where I thought "I guess this is the thing that is going to MAKE me let it go. It belongs to someone else now." I must move on. There is change I must embrace.

list of things that MUST be accomplished:

*Get the littlest pixie the orthodontics she NEEDS - without having any dental coverage. 
*Get to Nova Scotia for at LEAST a 2 week stretch, but preferably 4 weeks - to hang with all my relatives, now that we're grown ups. Because I was 10 the last time I was there, and that it's a tragedy that it's been so long.
*Make a living out of DANCING (with or without clothing. I'm not picky. Although the 'without' clothing window may be getting smaller.) I am also happily willing to do more dancing for the pure joy of it. But cash would be nice. See first point.)
*Write and get the novel PUBLISHED. This will contribute to my bohemian lifestyle. The novel could be fiction, fantasy, or smut. Don't care really, as long as it is well loved. And brings royalties. (See first point.)
*Get to a small village in the UK, and spend a 4 week stretch there completely alone. Writing, preferably. Again, fiction, fantasty, or smut. Not picky.
*Figure out how to have a WHOLE life with the pixies. Seriously. They are almost 10 and just 11, and I still don't know how to do this. I have MY life, and then my life with THEM. So divided. Maybe if they were belly dancing, tambourine smackin' gypsy's too? Do you think they would embrace living in a travelling company this late in the game??? Maybe they are the perfect age for it? I think expansion on this idea will need a blog of it's own.
*Do more acting. Preferably as the 'bad guy.' or the ' Old Broad.'  I've got a face for it. Heh. (oh yes, get paid for this acting also. See first point.)
*Have lots of time for Yoga. Have lots of time for napping and dreaming. Have lots of time for digging in the dirt.

I'm sure I have things to add to this list. I just can't think of what they are right now. It's pretty warm in here....


Monday, July 2, 2012

I Guess I"m a Vegetarian...

I feel as if I have failed.

I don't like failing.

My rabbits are 18 weeks old now. And I have yet to cull one. The day I had earmarked for this thing, Just as I was ready, the neighbours came home. That's all I need, is for them to see that. (There's no love lost there.)

Now, the kids are home from school. There's no way I'm going to be able to do this with them around. This is a big friggin' deal in my head. I need space and time and organization. I'm not getting it.

So, I'm really pissed. And sad. and angry. Not one of them are on board with this - my family that lives in this house. But not one of them have an issue with gobbling down a hamburger, or a steak, or picking the bones off a chicken carcass. And I figure, this is the thing that will make me a vegetarian. Seriously. Because it's incredibly hypocritical to not be able to follow through with this thing, and still consume animal.

What sense does it make if I cook up a meal and NO ONE eats it, because suddenly THIS doesn't work for them? To have gone through all the work that this has been , to have all of them turn their noses up, is a kick in the teeth.

I've listed all the rabbits on Kijiji. I'm angry about it. As in, FIGHTING mad. I feel separated from everyone under this roof at the moment.

Maybe I'll feel rational about this at some day.
That day is not today.


Sunday, July 1, 2012

Tupperware Parfait Cups.

Yes, it tastes BETTER in these.

 I picked them up at Team Reds Thrift Store in Midland. I let them sit there for a few weeks, and when they were still there, I knew they had to come home with me. And then, I asked my cheffie beloved "Please make me something sweet and parfait-y in them."
There were brownies, and cherry pie filling, and banana pudding. And I was very happy. The pixies were incredibly excited.

I Freekin' love Tupperware.

Saturday, June 9, 2012 deals

I'm searching for ideas for my livingroom. Coming to believe that we'll be here for a while.
Yes, I totally earn a small percentage if you shop through the link above. Do a sister a favour and click through. Sears delivers. Rah rah sis boom bah!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I'll Be Your Salty Dog?

So, I haven't had a proper bed in many many many years. I sleep on a mattress, on a boxspring, on the floor. I am not, nor have I ever, been a college student. I am 38. I'm feeling like it's time to have a bed.

Ideally, I need a sturdy bed, with storage. One that I don't have to use a squeaky boxspring for. You may fill in the blanks at will.

Sturdy. Not Squeaky. 38.

Also, having a teeny tiny room, that I'm pretty sure I'll be in for another few years, I require more storage. For off season clothing. And books. Lots of books live in my room.

I wish I were more handy. And had time. I would plunk this sucker together myself. I am not handy. Nor do I have the time, or the days and days it would probably take me to do this. I have no tools. I know nothing about wood and woodstuffs. 38.

I have added 'Handyman' to the list of caretakers that I require.

It could easily be a 'Handywoman.' Handy is Handy.



P.S. If anyone who loves me and has a pile of hours to fill up, instructions for this bed are here:

Storage Bed

However, I like a queen sized bed. Just sayin'.  38.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Chevy Van and Home Ownership.

I've been thinking lately about my strange near-obsession with owning a home.
Mainly, because in reality, I'm not even close to this thing. There is a smidge of debt that comes before the task of saving a down payment.. and then the bigger reality that owning a home will require me to work more than 3 days a week somewhere.

I've seriously been preoccupied with this notion ... well, I guess sometime around the time when I was bit with the bug to have a yellow kitchen of my own. I used to have a tea on Sunday morning and slowly go over the real estate section in quite contemplation. I used to surf the MLS every day and fill in all the little blanks: How many rooms? How many bathrooms? What side of town? Oooh, lets look at all the pictures! I still do these things, just not as regularly in the past few years... I've almost given up on the idea that home ownership is for me. But, I still catch myself makimg note of the for sale signs as we drive down the street.

The questions I've been asking myself:
  • Is this MY desire at all, or has someone, or society at large, slipped into my subconscious that it is what is expected of me? That somehow it will make me feel as if I have succeeded at... something?
  • What do I feel that home ownership will really DO for me and my family?
  • Would I even be able to maintain a home?
  • Do I want to still be working full time to make mortgage payments when I'm 63?

I think I feel that buying a house would solve some problems.
The pixies are crammed into a closet of a bedroom, and they are going to need some space... SOON.
A second bathroom would be wonderful. I can't count the amount of times I've been joined by a child who's got to poop, when I'm trying to have a relaxing mom-bath. 
I'd be able to do permanent fixes in the house. Painting. flooring. A finished basement. 
Also, permanent outdoor stuff. Gardens, fences.
So much else.

However, then I have moments where I think... I want one of THESE:
I want to get into a CHEVY VAN, complete with table-turns-bed and a tiny toilet next to a tiny fridge! No roots, travelling everywhere! Just like the Supernatural Boys! But, instead of fighting vampires and leviathans, I'd probably just laugh and be in love a lot to a great soundtrack. Although, I think the van would look more like this:
And I would totally look more like that too! Hehehe.

So, anyway...

Am I wasting energy thinking about this thing? This thing that, as each year passes, seems less and less likely? Perhaps this thing just isn't meant for me after all? I feel a little sick thinking about never having a home...

I"m still chewing on this one... Still trying to work it out.


Twist Twist Twist.

Last night, a major part of my dreams were about me wanting my old studio space back... a woman (who is a major player in my home business , makes the big bucks and drives the BMW.) had my old studio. She was making a few crafts, and having great success, and she was moving up to a new studio in Toronto. I wanted my old studio space back, badly. I was thinking of what I could do in it to make it work better - more tarot and witchy business, but still have a place to craft.  The rent was the same, and I wasn't sure I could afford it, but I was trying to figure out a way to get back into it. I missed it terribly.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was searching very intensely for a place to have a tarot card studio, in the downtown area. They all wanted the same rent, and again, I wasn't sure I could afford it, but I believed in my idea enough that I was going ahead with it.

These dreams have me ... confused. Why am I getting these messages now? I've been out of my studio space for almost 3 whole months. I have a part time job that is good, and it's helped get us ahead. There's been little time for anything else really. On the days I work, I've been passing out around 6 or 6:30 on the couch, until anytime between 11:30pm and 1am. When do I think I'd have time to run a studio space?

It still pains me, in waking life, that I don't have my little space. It was cute, and perfect, and I loved it. I was so productive, and I was doing a lot of readings there, and it was doing so well. Maybe it's this summer weather? I had plans for summer that would have kept me busy and gotten us ahead.

Are these dreams about reconciling this? Or about the next step? Is there actually a next step, because the last 3 months have been lived in the moment - no looking on the path ahead.

While I watered the garden this morning, I thought about these things. And came to no conclusion - not even the flicker of the beginning of an idea about it.

My dreams for the last 2 weeks have been VERY real, complete start to finish stories. I think I'm doing most of my joyful living within them. I've been writing them all down.

So, I have to go to work now.

I'll have to bring a note book incase an "aha!" thought about this whole thing, sneaks up on me.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Urban Farming, Sprouts, Yogurt, Oh My!

Urban Farm update.
Moved Giselle back into the big cage that was supposed to be a temporary makeshift. I had aquired a proper rabbit cage - but the sides were solid with a sliding cage top. She hated it, and I hated having her in it. No circulation of air for her, and although it is a large cage, it was smaller than what she had had.

I put her in the half finished cage, and she hopped around and was social and quite happy, as I finished building it up around her. I bought more zip ties to secure all of the pieces. She's using her litter box now, I'm so happy to report (she was the last one of all of them to get with the program.) and that will make it a nicer place for her.

On another note, incase you didn't catch the update... I work part time at a thrift store. It's a beautiful fit. AND, I get to see the stuff that comes in... I was at work for no more than 3 minutes on Friday, when I spotted this beauty:

 The Cook and I had been talking about adding sprouts to our diets - (this on the heels of discussing how he is adding more vegetarian meals to our meal times.) on Thursday. So, when I saw this on Friday morning, I grabbed it before I had even put my lunch and purse away. Sometimes the Universe is LOUD.

Now, I KNOW I could have just done them up in any one of the dozens of new or vintage Mason jars I have around here, but... look at the original price in black ink... and then look at the thrift store white sticker...

Then, near the end of the day, I spotted this little number. And, again, I KNOW I could do this on the top of my fridge or in the oven in mason jars.. but.. but... but...

It's so PURDY. The jars are only about a serving size (I'm guessing they'll hold about 6oz of water if you filled them.)

It didn't come with a manual, but I'm thinking I just need to figure out the right time - all yogurt recipes are pretty much the same, right??

There was a whole other topic I wanted to write about tonight... But it will only make this entry a big run on sentence... Maybe a little later...


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Wednesday is the new Saturday.

so, the thrift store I work at part time had a 50% off sale on Saturday. I bought this:
My sweethearts response was: "There is no room left on the walls." I found a spot. I had to have it. I think it's just a napkin or ??? It's printed onto a rough material, and framed. I had to have it.

In other news. Today is Wednesday, but it is my Saturday. So, after I get validation by telling the world on my blog what I'm doing, I'm gonna actually go out and do it. I think that's backwards, but I don't play by the rules anyway...
Tomato plants won't grow any taller than this until I get them out of their newspaper pots. I got excellent germination on them. My own saved seed from 2 summers ago. I'm impressed.

These are some bean plants. They germinated and grew incredibly fast, and now are too tall to fit under the lights in the kitchen. Also, they are in only about an inch of soil, in egg cartons. So, they have to get out too.

I didn't get a great germination rate on either my sweet red peppers (6 of the 10.) and my eggplant I only got 2 of 10. However, these were from the seed exchange that I did this spring, so I wasn't sure what I would get anyway. Also, NONE of the green peppers germinated, either in the pots OR sandwiched between damp napkins.

However, I got 100% germination on the sunflowers I did, and all of the morning glories. Got about 75% on the Moonflowers I bought... so, I'm not even sure where they are all going to go now. I might wrap some up and bring them to sell at market this coming weekend. (The morning glories.)

Oh, NONE of the other flower seeds I planted germinated at all. This just supports my theory that I can pretty much only grow food.

OK. Finishing coffee, and heading out into the yard.

Must also rememer to put the voodoo on all the squirrels so they will leave my shit alone. Little Pissers.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Kiss me Quick.

It is a beautiful sunny hot day. The kind of day where I hide under big hats, or preferably in the house with a book. Or online writing blogs, listening to Tegan and Sara.You should listen to this in the backround while you read me. ;)

And I was thinking today, remember when I used to be an artist model? Remember when I used to be an actress? Remember when I used to dance? Remember when I wrote poetry?

Today, I thought it would be thrilling and satisfying thing, to own a gypsy trailer, fill it with food and children and pillows and tarot cards and billowy skirts and glitter and paints and canvasses and my lover, and drive.

Somewhere where there are no lawns to mow, no floors to mop, no public utility bills, no broken vacuums, no boxes of boots, no dusty small appliances.

Find the place in a pretty field where we could park for the night or the week. Find the place with a fire pit and string instruments with beautiful people sitting behind them. Where the most difficult decision would be where the next kiss would be placed and wondering who would come to the midnight show of fire tossers and gyrating dancers.

I'm sure we could make this work. I am the Queen of Magical Things. This sounds completely up sleeve, down my path, across my line of vision. Completey do-able, to be sure.

Back to the couch with a novel and spreading toes attempting to catch the breeze between them.

Friday, May 11, 2012

Swear Swear Many Swears. But, I like Dirt.

Yes. I am THAT pleased to be able to have a whole day in the yard and GARDEN, that GARDEN is spelled with all caps.

  • I dug out the side garden ... which was a disaster, since I forgot to cover it last fall.
  • I clipped a tonne of pokey cedar hedge fingerlets that were reaching into the side garden area.
  • I chopped off a few branches of trees that were also attempting to infiltrate the air space above the side garden. (Right around the 4.5 foot mark - just high enough to smack me in the face... GONE. I totally apologized as I clipped them.)
  • Covered the bit of the side yard that is overrun with this HORRIBLE plant stuff that has choked out my little wild strawberry plants. 
  • Made a creative sculpture with random bits of junk, to try to block the view of my side yard from the poor neighbours. Yes, I"M that neighbour. The side of the house is always a disaster. BUT!
  • I also cleaned out the side of the house, making a nice little sitting area for us.
  • I took breaks from the garden to wash and hang sheets and laundry.

 The little build up of STUFF is part one of my attempt to create some privacy, and so the neighbours don't have to look at my garden shed 'mulch'. heh.

 I extended the brick path out by one length of stone... but came up short. This is in an effort to actually be able to GET to the compost bucket. I also cleared out ALL of the wild STUFF growing in the 1.5 foot bed on the left side. My plan for this is SUNFLOWERS. I have started many many sunflowers. The bit of greenery you can see in the actual garden bed are my snow peas. Which are taking their sweet time.

 Garden bed, with some boards to mark the boundaries. These boards WERE the shelves in my basement. Beyond that, are destroyed-garden-shed panels. Their function is to kill EVERYTHING under neath it by next year, when I will move them and who-knows-what.  They are were my strawberry patch used to be before the strawberries got choked out by THIS horrible stuff:

Now,.... I also decided that this year, I am organized enough to try flowers. Generally, I do not grow flowers, because my green thumb thinks they are useless... I cannot eat them, therefore they get no respect. This year, I have dug out a pile of perennials and gifted seeds, and am going to give them a round. Because they are part of my plan to hide the side yard....

I started RESEARCHING all of the seeds I have from 4 years ago (perennials that I purchased and attempted to plant but nothing ever came of anything.)... because I don't know what any of the names mean, or what the flowers will look like... well.. Google told me that one of the things I bought and planted, looks like THIS:
Its called German Speedwell. It's a ground cover. I think I bought, planted, and somehow didn't kill it. THIS is the HORRIBLE sh*t that I am TOTALLY pissed about now WORKING to kill. Because it killed my strawberries first.

Many Many Swears.

 Now, the leaves on the one that is taking over my side yard has leaves that look a little different.... but I'm pretty sure it's EXACTLY what I have. I would have planted it underneath the maple tree, uh, 4 years ago, hoping to fill in the naked naked base of the tree... nothing ever grew there, so I figured that was that.

Anyway... These are the rest of the plants that I've got - some for the pots that are going to hide my shed, and some for my back yard. There's a whole bunch of problem places back there.

 Mutha *swear swear* German Speedwell. Maybe I'll plant it at the road. RIGHT at the road. Usually only dandilions will grow there anyway.

 Chimney Bellflower

 Common Foxglove

 Foam Flower

 Goats Rue

 Purple Columbine. (I have some red in the front box, and I managed not to kill it. So, this should work!)

 Strawberry Foxglove

Wood Betony

I also have some Morning Glorys, and something marked on the envelope as "purple flowers." The seeds I saved from something I bought at a store a few years ago. 

Ok, big long one today... because I LOVE DIRTS!