Saturday, September 29, 2012

No Snappy Comeback.

I figure nothing I say will please anyone else - As careful as I've become about my writing in order not to offend, I don't really write this kind of stuff for anyone else anyway.

There are words that ring in my ears. Angry and loud and mean. They sneak up on me to slap me across my lazy face. It's been a long time since I've defined myself by anyone elses standards of me. I'm still trying to place how I feel about the words used at me, about me. Normally, I would just return them to their source, with wishes for healing and not let them absorb. This is different I guess. They are sticking a bit.

This has been a very busy week. Next week will be easier. My work schedule has been changed to suit our new needs, although I've got reflexology case studies to squeeze in. I'm working around my teenagers also very busy schedule.

He's a good kid. He works hard. And he is extremely accomodating with what I'm asking of him. This boy has never sworn at me, we've never had a fight, he lets me know where he is. He gets good marks at school, he doesn't do drugs. (although he may have the occasional beer, he has never ever come home drunk or even with beer on his breath.)  The last time this kid gave me a problem, he was about 4 years old. I like him. I like him a LOT. I appreciate what he is, and how he is being so open and helpful. He is very easy to be around and live with.

The voices/universe were sending me warnings. They just didn't say where it would come from. I knew to expect something painful, but didn't know from what direction. I had been doing some automatic writing (or maybe semi-automatic. ha!) Long story short, I was told to expect something big, and that it would be painful, but I would get through "like I always do." I tried to be open and not assume where it would come from, but I really thought the source would be a completely different direction. I'm in a mild functioning shock right now I think.

At the same time, I feel a lot less emotional than I figured I should. There's no anger. There's no sadness. I think all I'm feeling is resignation. 


I guess I had better carry on with the laundry. Get the bathroom cleaned up. Figure out lunch. Get my butt in gear for work.

1 comment:

Erin G said...

Hey Lori, Hope everything is ok with you... I am thinking and worried about you!