Little conflicted today. Not in a bad way, really, I guess. More in a "I'm releaved, but What the hell is going on?" sort of way.
Recap: March 3rd, Lori has what is now and forever more to be called "The Big Floppy". If it feels like a stroke and looks like stroke, then it must be a stroke right? Off to the stroke clinic and a bazillion tests.
Today: All the tests are compiled (accept for apparently my blood tests, which are M.I.A.) and the brain scan shows I'm normal (this makes me LAUGH like a horse in the doctors office. I have lost my inner editor. It's partying somewhere with my 20's.) None of the tests showed anything. The doctor turned to me and said: "Maybe you were just tired." Which also made me laugh.
I'm a jerk. (To be fair, the doctor was having a bit of a difficult day - her nurse was a stand in who didn't know how to rightly use the machine to take blood pressure, or the computer system. I felt for everyone there today - despite not getting in to see the doctor until 45 minutes after I should have... I digress.)
So, the GOOD news is everything is ok with my brain (**snork-guffaw**) and if there's anything wrong, the only place left to show it is in my bloodwork. My spidey senses say it's going to be a sugar/dehydration thing.
The other news, I guess, Is that I can stop being afraid and feeling fragile now. Because this whole time I have been. I quit everything, because I was a total mess. I had been taking it so easy that I don't rightly fit into my pants. Now I can feel good about looking a little into the future (no tarot-reader pun intended.) and make some plans.
I really really think this was all about the Universe (in what ever form or name you give it.) telling me I had to slow-the-heck-down, and that I had strayed too far from my path. Things were happening in my life that felt out of control. Taking some time to refocus has put my family on a brand new exciting path - made me open to it and ready for it. (This ties in with the "big secret" that I can't SHARE yet!!! I think sometime next week I should be able to say SOMETHING.)
Life is good. I'm listening.