Chevy Van and Home Ownership.

I've been thinking lately about my strange near-obsession with owning a home.
Mainly, because in reality, I'm not even close to this thing. There is a smidge of debt that comes before the task of saving a down payment.. and then the bigger reality that owning a home will require me to work more than 3 days a week somewhere.

I've seriously been preoccupied with this notion ... well, I guess sometime around the time when I was bit with the bug to have a yellow kitchen of my own. I used to have a tea on Sunday morning and slowly go over the real estate section in quite contemplation. I used to surf the MLS every day and fill in all the little blanks: How many rooms? How many bathrooms? What side of town? Oooh, lets look at all the pictures! I still do these things, just not as regularly in the past few years... I've almost given up on the idea that home ownership is for me. But, I still catch myself makimg note of the for sale signs as we drive down the street.

The questions I've been asking myself:

• Is this MY desire at all, or has someone, or society at large, slipped into my subconscious that it is what is expected of me? That somehow it will make me feel as if I have succeeded at... something?
• What do I feel that home ownership will really DO for me and my family?
• Would I even be able to maintain a home?
• Do I want to still be working full time to make mortgage payments when I'm 63?

I think I feel that buying a house would solve some problems.
The pixies are crammed into a closet of a bedroom, and they are going to need some space... SOON.
A second bathroom would be wonderful. I can't count the amount of times I've been joined by a child who's got to poop, when I'm trying to have a relaxing mom-bath. 
I'd be able to do permanent fixes in the house. Painting. flooring. A finished basement. 
Also, permanent outdoor stuff. Gardens, fences.
So much else.

However, then I have moments where I think... I want one of THESE:

I want to get into a CHEVY VAN, complete with table-turns-bed and a tiny toilet next to a tiny fridge! No roots, travelling everywhere! Just like the Supernatural Boys! But, instead of fighting vampires and leviathans, I'd probably just laugh and be in love a lot to a great soundtrack. Although, I think the van would look more like this:

And I would totally look more like that too! Hehehe.

So, anyway...

Am I wasting energy thinking about this thing? This thing that, as each year passes, seems less and less likely? Perhaps this thing just isn't meant for me after all? I feel a little sick thinking about never having a home...

I"m still chewing on this one... Still trying to work it out.

L.

Twist Twist Twist.

Last night, a major part of my dreams were about me wanting my old studio space back... a woman (who is a major player in my home business , makes the big bucks and drives the BMW.) had my old studio. She was making a few crafts, and having great success, and she was moving up to a new studio in Toronto. I wanted my old studio space back, badly. I was thinking of what I could do in it to make it work better - more tarot and witchy business, but still have a place to craft.  The rent was the same, and I wasn't sure I could afford it, but I was trying to figure out a way to get back into it. I missed it terribly.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that I was searching very intensely for a place to have a tarot card studio, in the downtown area. They all wanted the same rent, and again, I wasn't sure I could afford it, but I believed in my idea enough that I was going ahead with it.

These dreams have me ... confused. Why am I getting these messages now? I've been out of my studio space for almost 3 whole months. I have a part time job that is good, and it's helped get us ahead. There's been little time for anything else really. On the days I work, I've been passing out around 6 or 6:30 on the couch, until anytime between 11:30pm and 1am. When do I think I'd have time to run a studio space?

It still pains me, in waking life, that I don't have my little space. It was cute, and perfect, and I loved it. I was so productive, and I was doing a lot of readings there, and it was doing so well. Maybe it's this summer weather? I had plans for summer that would have kept me busy and gotten us ahead.

Are these dreams about reconciling this? Or about the next step? Is there actually a next step, because the last 3 months have been lived in the moment - no looking on the path ahead.

While I watered the garden this morning, I thought about these things. And came to no conclusion - not even the flicker of the beginning of an idea about it.

My dreams for the last 2 weeks have been VERY real, complete start to finish stories. I think I'm doing most of my joyful living within them. I've been writing them all down.

So, I have to go to work now.

I'll have to bring a note book incase an "aha!" thought about this whole thing, sneaks up on me.

L.

Urban Farming, Sprouts, Yogurt, Oh My!

Urban Farm update.

Moved Giselle back into the big cage that was supposed to be a temporary makeshift. I had aquired a proper rabbit cage - but the sides were solid with a sliding cage top. She hated it, and I hated having her in it. No circulation of air for her, and although it is a large cage, it was smaller than what she had had.

I put her in the half finished cage, and she hopped around and was social and quite happy, as I finished building it up around her. I bought more zip ties to secure all of the pieces. She's using her litter box now, I'm so happy to report (she was the last one of all of them to get with the program.) and that will make it a nicer place for her.


On another note, incase you didn't catch the update... I work part time at a thrift store. It's a beautiful fit. AND, I get to see the stuff that comes in... I was at work for no more than 3 minutes on Friday, when I spotted this beauty:

 The Cook and I had been talking about adding sprouts to our diets - (this on the heels of discussing how he is adding more vegetarian meals to our meal times.) on Thursday. So, when I saw this on Friday morning, I grabbed it before I had even put my lunch and purse away. Sometimes the Universe is LOUD.

Now, I KNOW I could have just done them up in any one of the dozens of new or vintage Mason jars I have around here, but... look at the original price in black ink... and then look at the thrift store white sticker...

Then, near the end of the day, I spotted this little number. And, again, I KNOW I could do this on the top of my fridge or in the oven in mason jars.. but.. but... but...

It's so PURDY. The jars are only about a serving size (I'm guessing they'll hold about 6oz of water if you filled them.)

It didn't come with a manual, but I'm thinking I just need to figure out the right time - all yogurt recipes are pretty much the same, right??

There was a whole other topic I wanted to write about tonight... But it will only make this entry a big run on sentence... Maybe a little later...

L.

Wednesday is the new Saturday.

so, the thrift store I work at part time had a 50% off sale on Saturday. I bought this:

My sweethearts response was: "There is no room left on the walls." I found a spot. I had to have it. I think it's just a napkin or ??? It's printed onto a rough material, and framed. I had to have it.



In other news. Today is Wednesday, but it is my Saturday. So, after I get validation by telling the world on my blog what I'm doing, I'm gonna actually go out and do it. I think that's backwards, but I don't play by the rules anyway...

Tomato plants won't grow any taller than this until I get them out of their newspaper pots. I got excellent germination on them. My own saved seed from 2 summers ago. I'm impressed.

These are some bean plants. They germinated and grew incredibly fast, and now are too tall to fit under the lights in the kitchen. Also, they are in only about an inch of soil, in egg cartons. So, they have to get out too.

I didn't get a great germination rate on either my sweet red peppers (6 of the 10.) and my eggplant I only got 2 of 10. However, these were from the seed exchange that I did this spring, so I wasn't sure what I would get anyway. Also, NONE of the green peppers germinated, either in the pots OR sandwiched between damp napkins.

However, I got 100% germination on the sunflowers I did, and all of the morning glories. Got about 75% on the Moonflowers I bought... so, I'm not even sure where they are all going to go now. I might wrap some up and bring them to sell at market this coming weekend. (The morning glories.)

Oh, NONE of the other flower seeds I planted germinated at all. This just supports my theory that I can pretty much only grow food.

OK. Finishing coffee, and heading out into the yard.

Must also rememer to put the voodoo on all the squirrels so they will leave my shit alone. Little Pissers.

L.

Kiss me Quick.

It is a beautiful sunny hot day. The kind of day where I hide under big hats, or preferably in the house with a book. Or online writing blogs, listening to Tegan and Sara.You should listen to this in the backround while you read me. ;)



And I was thinking today, remember when I used to be an artist model? Remember when I used to be an actress? Remember when I used to dance? Remember when I wrote poetry?

Today, I thought it would be thrilling and satisfying thing, to own a gypsy trailer, fill it with food and children and pillows and tarot cards and billowy skirts and glitter and paints and canvasses and my lover, and drive.

Somewhere where there are no lawns to mow, no floors to mop, no public utility bills, no broken vacuums, no boxes of boots, no dusty small appliances.

Find the place in a pretty field where we could park for the night or the week. Find the place with a fire pit and string instruments with beautiful people sitting behind them. Where the most difficult decision would be where the next kiss would be placed and wondering who would come to the midnight show of fire tossers and gyrating dancers.

I'm sure we could make this work. I am the Queen of Magical Things. This sounds completely up sleeve, down my path, across my line of vision. Completey do-able, to be sure.


Back to the couch with a novel and spreading toes attempting to catch the breeze between them.

Swear Swear Many Swears. But, I like Dirt.

Yes. I am THAT pleased to be able to have a whole day in the yard and GARDEN, that GARDEN is spelled with all caps.

• I dug out the side garden ... which was a disaster, since I forgot to cover it last fall.
• I clipped a tonne of pokey cedar hedge fingerlets that were reaching into the side garden area.
• I chopped off a few branches of trees that were also attempting to infiltrate the air space above the side garden. (Right around the 4.5 foot mark - just high enough to smack me in the face... GONE. I totally apologized as I clipped them.)
• Covered the bit of the side yard that is overrun with this HORRIBLE plant stuff that has choked out my little wild strawberry plants. 
• Made a creative sculpture with random bits of junk, to try to block the view of my side yard from the poor neighbours. Yes, I"M that neighbour. The side of the house is always a disaster. BUT!
• I also cleaned out the side of the house, making a nice little sitting area for us.
• I took breaks from the garden to wash and hang sheets and laundry.

 The little build up of STUFF is part one of my attempt to create some privacy, and so the neighbours don't have to look at my garden shed 'mulch'. heh.

 I extended the brick path out by one length of stone... but came up short. This is in an effort to actually be able to GET to the compost bucket. I also cleared out ALL of the wild STUFF growing in the 1.5 foot bed on the left side. My plan for this is SUNFLOWERS. I have started many many sunflowers. The bit of greenery you can see in the actual garden bed are my snow peas. Which are taking their sweet time.

 Garden bed, with some boards to mark the boundaries. These boards WERE the shelves in my basement. Beyond that, are destroyed-garden-shed panels. Their function is to kill EVERYTHING under neath it by next year, when I will move them and who-knows-what.  They are were my strawberry patch used to be before the strawberries got choked out by THIS horrible stuff:

 

Now,.... I also decided that this year, I am organized enough to try flowers. Generally, I do not grow flowers, because my green thumb thinks they are useless... I cannot eat them, therefore they get no respect. This year, I have dug out a pile of perennials and gifted seeds, and am going to give them a round. Because they are part of my plan to hide the side yard....

I started RESEARCHING all of the seeds I have from 4 years ago (perennials that I purchased and attempted to plant but nothing ever came of anything.)... because I don't know what any of the names mean, or what the flowers will look like... well.. Google told me that one of the things I bought and planted, looks like THIS:

Its called German Speedwell. It's a ground cover. I think I bought, planted, and somehow didn't kill it. THIS is the HORRIBLE sh*t that I am TOTALLY pissed about now WORKING to kill. Because it killed my strawberries first.

Many Many Swears.

 Now, the leaves on the one that is taking over my side yard has leaves that look a little different.... but I'm pretty sure it's EXACTLY what I have. I would have planted it underneath the maple tree, uh, 4 years ago, hoping to fill in the naked naked base of the tree... nothing ever grew there, so I figured that was that.

Anyway... These are the rest of the plants that I've got - some for the pots that are going to hide my shed, and some for my back yard. There's a whole bunch of problem places back there.

 Mutha *swear swear* German Speedwell. Maybe I'll plant it at the road. RIGHT at the road. Usually only dandilions will grow there anyway.

 Chimney Bellflower

 Common Foxglove

 Foam Flower

 Goats Rue

 Purple Columbine. (I have some red in the front box, and I managed not to kill it. So, this should work!)

 Strawberry Foxglove

Wood Betony

I also have some Morning Glorys, and something marked on the envelope as "purple flowers." The seeds I saved from something I bought at a store a few years ago. 

Ok, big long one today... because I LOVE DIRTS!