Monday, December 22, 2008

I Had This DREAM...

So, I'm hanging out with people I have admired, for thier quiet success. The couple who own the Rye (my fav coffee shop.) a couple who used to own their own food biz, but now manage at jobs. And, a girl who used to be a stripper, but isn't anymore and is happy.

We're all hanging out in my kitchen, laughing and teasing each other. It's all very friendly.Then, my tooth falls out, it's the lower "eye" tooth. I keep trying to put it back in, and everyone says that I shouldn't fight it and just let if fall out. The ex-stripper is spitting her own teeth out, too. I look in my mouth, and I'm missing molars, and now this tooth, and I know if I just let this one go, the rest are going to follow.

She says something like I'm hanging out with her too much. I realize that hanging out with these people for some reason is making me lose my teeth.

I wake up, and have a think. My own interpretation of losing teeth equals Losing Personality. I think of the people in the dream... and how I sometimes wish that I were doing what they were doing... but then I think about how none of what THEY are doing has anything to do with ME. And that's where the losing of my own personality comes in. Trying to be someone else, in order to make money, will kill me.

I rolled over, and there was a book I"ve been skimming through the last 24 hours. About building your crafting business. I realized, that I really haven't completely let myself be comfortable in being called "Artist." I never introduce myself as such.

And then I thought, I have always just BEEN an artist. Drawing and writing books, creating. I had a portfolio when I was 10 that I would show off all the time to relatives when they would visit. (Filled with disproportionate heads and stringy legs and copies of Archie characters, but a portfolio non-the-less!)

And so, It's really TIME. The only thing I'm conscious of, painfully, is getting imbalanced. I need to run my business as a business, and not the basement hobby it could slip into (and maybe has the last few months.)

The funny thing is, just after this realization hit me, I made a couple of sales online (who sells this close to Christmas? hehe.) So, new chapter.

I'm scared.

I'm excited.

I'm going to need help with marketing.

L

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

I love your thought process here, I too have been a victim of this, I have adopted a new theme! :To thine own self be true!" I carry it around on a medallion, and when I doubt myself I rub it as a reminder. I may not have the money I used to when I had a "regular" job, but the happiness I have now creating with my own hands is worth the small sacrifices.