Living Temporary.

Life really is Good. Everything is Awesome.

Tomorrow, I have NOTHING booked. And my plans are to CLEAN THE HOUSE. It's embarrassing. Really really really.

Today at the breakfast table, one of my daughters asked if they could paint the bedrooms, when we once again move them around. (They are getting their own rooms finally, as the Big Tall Man-Boy is going to college. )  This is a rental. And we've never painted the rooms. And I realized...

Every year is another year I insist that we will move 'next year'... I would like my OWN place, but realistically I would never be able to float a home on my own.

I have been here ten years. TEN YEARS. In a home that was supposed to be a temporary thing, to help us get on our feet and get our own place. I've never felt settled here. And the house shows it. It's a disaster. Nothing really has a HOME here, as it just hasn't felt like home. Temporary. For ten years. "I'll just set this here for now." And then months later, that THING is still set just there.

I'm working on my  money challenges. They come from what I've learned in childhood. This thing with the house, and the way I live... that comes from childhood too. We moved. A lot. Every place was temporary, and we could be leaving at anytime. Anytime we moved, we were given about a weeks notice, if that. Sometimes it was "So today is Wednesday. On Saturday we are moving, so pack what's important." I'm sure that's where this whole thing comes from with the way I am, with my living space.

Anyway. Tomorrow, I'm putting on my sneakers and cleaning. I need to find homes for the things on the floor and stuffed into nooks and cranny's with no reason. Hang my clothing.

And perhaps think about paint colours for the girls rooms.