Saturday, September 25, 2010

I Write, because I MUST.

My writing has been stifled. No More.

This has been a long and strange week. And, it's "only" Saturday. My week doesn't feel over until I lay my head on my pillow on Sunday night, and beg for dreams. There's still a little over 24 hours in this week, to figure everything out, and put it all in place. 24 more hours to see what comes.

So much has come to light this week, so much has started new this week. It's also been "full moon" week, and Autumn Equinox week, so I shouldn't be so out-of-sorts about it being completely OUTER LIMITS. Lethargic, dampened, too much in thought, too much in dream. However, my head is spinning - figuratively and literally. Yesterday, I had what they think is a "little" stroke or a "mini" seizure. A wake up call for me.

They say when a door closes, a window opens. Somewhere in the building. Sometimes you have to search all 5 floors or so to find the damn thing... and sometimes it needs to be jimmied opened with a screw driver and possibly a hammer, because it's old and some long ago ancestor painted right over all the seams, thinking you'd never need it. Sometimes it's easier to just go back down the stairs and stare at the door that's been slammed shut in your face. Look through the peek hole at their fishbowl world, and hope that they'll let you back into it.

But that window is there. Unlocked and waiting for you to put a little sweat into it, a little effort.

A small faction of my life, that once represented my near entirety, has completely separated itself from me and all associated with me. I'm not entrirely sure how to feel about this. Perplexed? Relieved? Time reveals all. I am honestly who I am, and they are honestly who they are. And I'm discovering we're more like oil and water than anything thicker.

In return, the jimmied window reveals open arms and unconditional love. New friendships that offer trust and spirit. There is a bit of sadness, leaving behind old habits. But when there's no love there - not even a bit of "like" left, why would ANYONE continue to seek it out? Ask for it?

I'm not perfect. I apologize, when I've done something wrong. I can look my mistakes square in the ugly eye and make peace with them. I've had some practice at it, and have become quite good at seeing ugly come at a distance and stopping it before it gets a chance to create havoc. I've become practiced at approaching experiences and people with love and the bigger picture in mind.

I stand on this side of the fence, after being pushed through roughly and without apology or regret. Over the last few months, the bruises in my chest have healed, and I've discovered how green the grass is on this side, and my loved ones and I are making quite a pretty garden of it. And everyone who's here, is REALLY happy to be here, and appreciates every moment.

I'm not going to try to look over the fence anymore.

I've got better things to do with my time, energy, and love.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010



I've been thinking a lot about it the past few days. That, and trying to live in the NOW while making plans for the FUTURE. Which also requires balance.

The last week, I've been putting myself to sleep with intentions of searching for astral answers. Or guidance. Or hints at the path. All week my sleep had been wibbly wobbly (timey wimey!) up and down and talking in dreams with A LOT of different people.

This morning, I woke feeling rested and calm. Like, everything is as it should be. The path we walk is working itself out.

Earlier this week, I talked to myself. I was brought there by one of my old guides (Who is looking more and more like Christopher Atkins circa "The Pirate Movie" for some reason. But taller.) I was a little over 50. My hair had gone salt and pepper, and my skin seemed darker (as well as aged.) It was the strangest thing to hold my own hand and walk in a garden that she/I said would one day be mine/ours. The 50 year old me basically was telling me to relax, it will come, and to plan for it. Get the ducks in order.

I've also been watching a rather condensed amount of Doctor Who lately. It's opened my head up to all sorts of new ideas (or maybe to reviewed ideas in a new light.)

I'm all half thoughts today. I'm thinking about my sweetheart today. I'm observing my children today. I should really brush my teeth today.

Have a good one.

Friday, September 10, 2010

More Haul, and A Birthday Party

Look, turns out the "Melon in the Tree" is, indeed, a pumpkin. It's starting to turn orange. I'll have to get a chair out in the yard to retrieve it, though! We've pulled 3 sugar pumpkins out already, and including the tree pumpkin, there are 4 more in the yard. Hopefully they'll all make it. They would have been worth ?2.00 each?? for a current total of $6.00

This is todays haul. In total, I've hauled NEARLY 20 pounds of tomatoes from the yard. (You should see me playing Tomato Jenga trying to weight them on the small scale I have.

There are still a pile out there! The nights have been COLD, and I've been pulling these green and ripening them on the top of the fridge. Not ideal, but I'd rather that than see so much freeze outside.

I tried to find a price online in the local flyers, but do you think anyone has tomatoes in their flyer this week? It's been so long since I BOUGHT one, I'm not really sure what they are price wise out there. For arguements sake, if they were at $1.29 a pound, So far this year, It's been $25.80 in tomatoes.

yes, that's ONE tiny wee carrot in the bin. If I've pulled $1.00 worth of baby carrots out of the garden, I'd be surprized.

Maybe 10 cucumbers have come out ($5.00 worth?) and at least 6 big zucchini (which all turned into bread. $4.00 worth?

Also, I'm going to guess I've pulled only $2.50 worth of strawberries from the yard.

Giving us a current grand total of $40 ish worth of food. Next year, I'll have a better idea of how to maximize the space, what sort of food to plant, and a better idea of how to maintain the raised boxes and plants. I spent only about $80 ( $30 in wood, $20 in dirt, $30ish in seeds) I'm counting on breaking even next year. I'm saving seeds from this years harvest, won't need to worry about wood box costs. And although we compost, we'll still need to top up the boxes next year - they weren't as full as I would have liked, but I was cutting it close this year.

Oh, although next year an expense might be a boiling pot for canning. I borrowed my sweethearts parents stuff to use today, to can some red tomatoes and attempt a sauce. (I'm keeping my eye on the thrift store for a canning pot and all the things that go with.)

In other news, It was my beloveds Mothers birthday yesterday. He came home with a book and an idea. This was her gift:

I always thought it rude to call anyone in need of help a "dummy" anyway. We all had a good chuckle at his little modification.

Happy Friday! I'm at market this weekend, with baking (biscotti, zucchini breads, and what ever else I have time to do) plus a pile of new jewellery pieces. Super fun! If it doesn't rain, that is!

Friday, September 3, 2010

All the Trees are Brown, and the Sky is Gray

All the tourists are gone. Well, most of 'em I suppose. I live in an area that relies an awful lot on our big tourist dollars, but it can be exhausting! It's like having company come.. and stay... and stay... and stay... all summer long.

So, the first few weeks in September, life gets slower and we all let out a little sigh.

I'm not quite sure what it will mean for my market booth. Not sure if I should bring less, or bring different items. I guess I'll find out! I'm assuming I'll see a lot more locals and familiar faces, which is nice.

Today, I got the bulk of my summer messes picked up. Tidied the basement (barbie land and mom's craft storage.) and the livingroom (which had become a crafting explosion, and not much living was happening in there at all.) which makes me feel a whole lot less panicked. Although the tourists have gone home, it's now time to cater to the local market and my online customers full time until Christmas.

After that, it gets REALLY quiet and we get snowed in. I spend that time in my livingroom listening to records and crafting, stockpiling for spring and summer markets and shows... To have the circle come 'round again.

A very simple circle of life in these parts.