Do you know how freeing it is to throw it all away? Ha!
This new shift in the mind has changed me already. Worries - GONE. Stress - GONE.
I am Love. That is all.
No more thinking about futures or houses or retirement or what ifs or what-will-be. Screw it all. I'm letting everything go as it will right now.
All I am now is dreams and laughter and dancing and a body in a hot hot bath. Everything happens just as it should. I'm not looking forward or rushing anything or asking for anything out of life. I've got all I'll have already. That's enough.
L.
Midland Ontario ART. Granny Craft Techniques, Punk Rock Attitude. Blog! Secret Giggly Adventures of a Poet, Forced to Live in Real Life. Gardening, Art Dolls, Paintings, and Bad Behaviour.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Throwing in the Towel.
November 15th.
I'm giving up.
Ten years is a very very long time to wish and work so hard for something, and never come even close.
Home ownership is not for me.
I really would like a house. Mainly so my kids will have the space they need. So I would have a space to create, work, have friends over. But I just can't do it.
I've never come even close to what's required for the downpayment. I can't work the hours or earn enough to make the monthly payments that would be required. Physically or mentally. I guess I just don't have it in me.
The last 4 weeks have been an eye opener. This pace is not what I want for my life. I'm anxious and completely stressed. I'm not handling it well.
I still have two very huge monthly payments to make. One is the car. If I give up the car, it's 50 hours a month that I get back, either in my pocket or in my life. That's 10 shifts out of the 16 that I work a month at my day job, that can go toward the other monthly payment, that I HAVE to pay, as it's a line of credit. No getting rid of that one.
The other job is on hold for 3 months. Can't write my exam till January, and can't do the practical exam till after that.
What am I working so hard for? I've been working so hard to pay off the debt, and because I want a house. UNwanting a house takes a large burden off of me.
I really didn't want to be here forever. It keeps getting smaller and smaller as the kids get bigger and bigger, and one more year slips by. But, there seems to be no other path for me. So, I should just embrace this as where we are, and move on from it.
There's just no joy in the thought anymore. There's no hope for it. No anticipation or excitement.
So, a different path, I guess, from here on in. I don't care where I land, just as long as I can find some calm and centred again. This pace is not for me.
L.
I'm giving up.
Ten years is a very very long time to wish and work so hard for something, and never come even close.
Home ownership is not for me.
I really would like a house. Mainly so my kids will have the space they need. So I would have a space to create, work, have friends over. But I just can't do it.
I've never come even close to what's required for the downpayment. I can't work the hours or earn enough to make the monthly payments that would be required. Physically or mentally. I guess I just don't have it in me.
The last 4 weeks have been an eye opener. This pace is not what I want for my life. I'm anxious and completely stressed. I'm not handling it well.
I still have two very huge monthly payments to make. One is the car. If I give up the car, it's 50 hours a month that I get back, either in my pocket or in my life. That's 10 shifts out of the 16 that I work a month at my day job, that can go toward the other monthly payment, that I HAVE to pay, as it's a line of credit. No getting rid of that one.
The other job is on hold for 3 months. Can't write my exam till January, and can't do the practical exam till after that.
What am I working so hard for? I've been working so hard to pay off the debt, and because I want a house. UNwanting a house takes a large burden off of me.
I really didn't want to be here forever. It keeps getting smaller and smaller as the kids get bigger and bigger, and one more year slips by. But, there seems to be no other path for me. So, I should just embrace this as where we are, and move on from it.
There's just no joy in the thought anymore. There's no hope for it. No anticipation or excitement.
So, a different path, I guess, from here on in. I don't care where I land, just as long as I can find some calm and centred again. This pace is not for me.
L.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Upswing.
Some exciting news on the art front! I'll be part of a small biz that is opening downtown - we're hoping to get rushed in to be set up before Christmas! Time to dig out the sewing machine, and take inventory of what dolls are already made.
Exciting news on the reflexology front! I have about 20ish feet left to finish, and then I can take my exam. I have a contract in hand from a business downtown, where I"ll be an independent contractor. So awesome. I'm very very excited about that.
Life is twisting and turning in unexpected ways. Although I'm sure the Universe knows EXACTLY what it's doing. Life is Good. Life is Good. I'm running with it, giddily along the autumn trail. Breathe!
L.
Exciting news on the reflexology front! I have about 20ish feet left to finish, and then I can take my exam. I have a contract in hand from a business downtown, where I"ll be an independent contractor. So awesome. I'm very very excited about that.
Life is twisting and turning in unexpected ways. Although I'm sure the Universe knows EXACTLY what it's doing. Life is Good. Life is Good. I'm running with it, giddily along the autumn trail. Breathe!
L.
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